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I’m an emotional mess after Stellarlune™️

‼️spoilers, duh‼️

look. I’m going to be honest right now. I absolutely despise Stellarlune, so if you disagree (for some godforsaken reason) maybe don’t read this rant?

Yeah, I don’t care what you want. Make your own decisions

I won’t stop your angry digital yelling in the comments, m’kay?

mid lmao

Sophie Foster changed the game.

Now she’s facing impossible choices: When to act. When to trust. When to let go.

Her friends are divided and scattered, and the Black Swan wants Sophie to focus on their projects. But her instincts are leading her somewhere else.

Stellarlune—and the mysterious Elysian—might be the key to everything. But finding truth in the Lost Cities always requires sacrifice. And as the Neverseen’s plans sharpen into terrifying focus, it appears that everyone has miscalculated. The Lost Cities’ greatest lie could destroy everything. And in the battle that follows, only one thing is certain: nothing will ever be the same.

Oh, look, another really terrible summary. Why, I’m quite shocked!

No, but seriously though. Whoever writes these needs to be fired. Even if it’s Shannon herself. Especially if it’s Shannon

Pack your bags, love, because a certain depressed teen is about to write the tenth book for you! Focus on your second marriage or whatever

(the depressed teen is me. I want to write Keeper because I could do it better)

babe it’s bad

This book was so bad. I can’t sugarcoat, I’m sorry

I was squinting at the pages, willing myself to not lose interest in those dumb words. Because honey, I speedran that book

I spent a grand total of 2 hours on that book. I did not want to waste my precious time on that ugly thing

Well, not ugly. The cover is gorgeous. Especially Marella because god I live for her

And also, Keefe seemed like such a low priority. Sophie cried about it for about 20 minutes, then was like, “okay time to burn down another storehouse hehe cause I’m quirky and different from other elves lol 😝 🤪”

Omg Elizabeth you’re such a crackhead!!!!

Shut up. Literally shut up. Ugh.

Okay, anyway! Actual plot conversation time!

It all felt so… fake. and rushed. And oh-my-god-hold-up-who-just-died-wait-I-shipped-them. What distinct emotions…?!

Everything felt like Shannon wrote her outline and then just… smacked it on the final draft and was like, yep! This is definitely a good book!

Also, her lack of knowledge about teens & co. shows. In Sophie, mostly. Like, Shannon, we know it’s been a millennium and a half since your high school days but darling please. At least put some effort into it!

I know you’re a fried chicken lookin goofy piece of trash but c’mon!

Miss Moonlark basically daydreamed about Keefe being in her bed the whole second half of the book. It was kind of uncomfortable to read, I’m not going to lie. But they’re all like sixteen…

Shannon I need answers?—and I’ll take back the chicken comment. Does libido work the same for elven teens??


like I said. bad.

Holy shit. Sophie is literally a whole new character. It doesn’t work, though. It’s a really bad look

She’s obsessed with people of the male gender (cough horny ass cough) more angrier (was she on her period this whole book? I know, women have emotions outside of their menstrual cycle, but geez her hormones were basically screaming the whole time), and notably out of darns to give. Yep, her storehouse ran dry. I think Darwin took them?

((what an obscure reference oh my god))

But I get it. She’s aware of her own power now, and that’s definitely a good ego boost! Some people probably adore her mood shift, and that’s okay.

I clearly don’t. But I understand. Just don’t fight me, please. Unless you want to get humiliated and/or blocked ^^

Next characters I want to briefly touch on are Stina and Glimmer Rainy Rayni (bro the i and y in “rainy” are literally just swapped how creative)

Stina is actually a good character. She has interesting motivations and the best friend group (that being the girls and/or gays)

The rivalry between her and Sophie is just so petty! Sophie is petty, so that’s understandable. But Stina is better than her! Rise above, my love! Rise and win the fight!

And then: little miss rain cloud climbing-on-rainbows oh-im-totally-sober

Hate her hate her hate her

She’s Shannon’s version of Piper McLean. For those not in the know, Piper is Rick Riordan’s favorite character that he shoves in everyone’s faces. He “markets” her as relatable even though she’s far from that

Though… the snack runs with Trix… that’s pretty cute. Dammit! I’m falling for it! I take it back! There’s no redeemable qualities, okay?

Tam is way too obsessed and protective with her. I’m betting on mind-control

and Marella!!

You know what. At least Keefe’s happy. I guess?

I may have an overwhelming and all-consuming hatred of Sophie, but at least one of my most favorite characters is not in emotional distress. For long—

Anyway, I was right about the Foster oblivion ending. Points for me, am I right?

Though, Sokeefe happening was just… unsatisfactory. Personally, I wanted some beautifully melancholy kiss in the rain while one of them (probably Keefe) is crying softly and they embrace. Or something—?

I just wanted Marelinh, okay? I keep reading that one page over and over again…

But yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Book ten is going to be called Shadowflux I’m calling it now you heard it here first folks

<American accent> adios, mi amigos! hasta la vista!

Published by ✰ᴢᴏᴇ✰

✎ aspiring writer and artist. lives for Undertale and Deltarune, KotLC, and everything Riordan has written ever

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